Icicle v.3

Oh. fuck.

The Magnificent Bastards in the prison-shaped building slapped Icicle's counsel in the face yesterday, saying they lacked a certain mojo to deal with the appeal. And by "mojo," I mean jurisdiction. You know, that foundational hallmark of Western culture. It's a slight problem. They basically said that they had about as much right to hear this particular case as the one where the space alien claimed it was sexually molested by a Vulcan on Venus.

Capron v. Van Noorden, bitches.

(By the way, fuckers, Vulcans are people. They're just like you and me. And if you try to tell me otherwise, I'll kill you. And when I do, I'll just hire Icicle's lawyers, and they'll delay the trial so much that your relatives will die and/or get Alzheimer's before I go down. Mark my words, bitches.)

Anyhoo, now the Dream Team has filed an emergency appeal to the Magnificent Bastards, claiming that the Judge stole an order from the circuit clerk- a crime punishable by up to five years in jail. For the love of God, when is President Bush just gonna nuke the hell out of this place so I can die in peace? I'll think I'll call the tip line and tell them I saw a Muslim a few weeks ago- that'll do it.

Anyway, they're acusing the judges of committing a felony. What the fuck? From what I gather, she simply took back the order so she could attach exhibits to it- it's the same damn order. Shit's on your face, Icicle's counsel. And guess what- the Magnificent Bastards may be liberal and love Icicle, but their sense of self-preservation is even greater. They'll cut you down like chaff on Judgment Day if you think you'll get anywhere impugning a judge without evidence. Good luck fittin' that future ruling up your ass.

All I can figure is that if you rub Icicle the right way while he's sleeping, pure gold shoots out his ass and he sweats high-quality heroin. Because otherwise, I can't see why you'd go around and fuckin' jeapardize your professional relationship with every fuckin' person of import in this state.

Jerk-wads.