Sighting

I actually saw Icicle once. My eyes started bleeding profusely from the sheer sight of his grandeur, so I couldn't stare long. Later, after I had gnashed my teeth for an appropriate amount of time, I was able to recollect my thoughts and write them down.

I saw him at Kinda Fancy Mall, which is in MountainVille, an affluent suburb north of Lincoln. The two are so close that it's hard to tell where MountainVille begins and Lincoln ends, but the ever decreasing amount of litter on the side of the road gives a distinct clue.

This was in the early days of Icicle's reign, where pretty much everybody still liked him. I mean, Lincoln was so bad off, it would be pretty hard to imagine he could make it worse. Oh how sweet innocence is, when one has it.

What I found hilarious about the event was the fact that Icicle was shopping in Mountainville, when one of his big selling points had been bringing more business to Lincoln.

There's a mall in Lincoln, but the fact that Icicle apparently won't shop there on a Saturday night is somewhat telling. Basically the Mall in Lincoln is so shady that the light of the sun never hits the building, and it's engrossed in perpetual twilight. It's not an unsafe place during the day (old people walk around inside it like zombies, and everyone that could cause a problem is still sleeping off last night's vices) but at night, you're taking your life in your hands.

Not only that, but Icicle gets his heart fixed in another state. I know our health system isn't the greatest in the world, but I'd like to think that a heart doctor is a heart doctor is a heart doctor.

It's almost as if Lincoln is his personal political litterbox, and he runs elsewhere to get his food, clothes, and medical treatment.

We're left, then, with just the shit.