The Broken Hearts (Bullshit) Club

After getting that arrest warrant issued, Mayor Icicle complained of chest pains and headed for the hospital. So he's been holed up there over the weekend, so he won't have to worry about getting holed in county lock-up. Get it? I'm talking about forced homosexual sodomy. Never mind the fact that he has the strength to jog around and allegedly tear down houses. (Once again, I'm allegedly breathing right now. You can't prove it, so it's not necessarily true.)

Because really, how much bigger of a target can you have on your fuckin' chest than Mayor of a town? I'm pretty sure some straight guys would try to tap that authoritative ass, just so they'd get some street cred.

I'm not gay, but if I were ever in a jail cell with Elvis, I'd probably go for the reach-around. Just 'cause. That, and because of the fact that toward the end, he had man boobies.



Anyway, Icicle apparently had the strength to pay his personal attorneys beaucoup money to appeal the decision to the Supreme Court. Apparently the Judge that set the terms of the probation is impartial, and should recuse herself. Right. Because surely the judge has to be biased if you walk into court with three gun charges, and you somehow walk out with a slap on the wrist and no worries about being someone's bitch. That can't be fair.

But it's Icicle, and the Mahwongs love him. Damn you Mahwongs, damn you.