Uncrustables My Ass

How fuckin' lazy are we as Americans if we rely on factories to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for us? Because apparently buying bread, peanut butter, and jelly has become too much of a drain on our lives. I can't tell you how many times I've slaved away for hours making a PB&J sandwich and thought, "Damn, why can't someone make this easier?" Most nights, I fail in the attempt, and simply wake up the next morning covered in someone else's saliva and bread crust.

I swear, if I could find a way to actually sell bananas without the peel, or perhaps pre-digest people's food for them, I'd make a fortune. Because that whole chewing bit takes up too much of our sitting on our lazy asses time. We've got a whole bunch of nothing to do, people, and we need all of our free time to do it.

Jerk wads.